Turn around

This morning, I started my day soaked in bitter tears. Not because someone in my family died, or because I was in physical pain, but because I felt almost hopeless. Even those that are the greatest of encouragers need encouragement at times. It seems that through the trials that my husband and I have been experiencing recently have just continued to increase, with the pressure mounting more and more each day. I'm not sharing this to find pity from others, but in order that people know that all of us have struggles of some sorts. What is a piece of cake for someone else to endure, might be utter hell for their neighbor.

I found myself in these times of tribulation, to lean towards small things to make me feel better or possibly even comforted. They are not sinful things, but in some respects, I was searching for a way to somehow escape the struggles by my reaching for something that I thought could tangibly comfort me. All the while knowing that it wasn't going to FIX anything, but rather serve as "padding" perhaps. One person might look to cigarettes in times of trials, others might look to food...mine, has been green tea. Again, not sinful...and don't laugh...for this might seem silly, but it was helping me. Anyhow, God has a way of removing things slowly, allowing us to see that He is the one that He wants us to depend upon...even for comfort in times like we have been having. My subject here is not green tea vs cigarettes, or even the fact that I had something that i reached for...but to explain what the small straw that broke the camel's back.

With little money in the bank, and payday not coming for two more days possibly...wondering if there was really going to be enough of everything that we needed to get through until then (gas, diapers, food, milk, TEA!!!) ha ha! Seriously though, the supplies was dwindling, and my hope slowly shrinking as well. With my faith flat-lining, I woke up this morning and got my husband off to work. I turned on the computer and put on a song that I had recently found that was ministering to me...one tear began to roll, which started an entire flood that wouldn't stop! It wasn't necessarily the financial struggle, or the thought that my tea was almost all gone, but rather than I needed the Lord's comfort, to know He was going to come through for what I needed most....which was not tea, it wasn't food, diapers, money....but purpose.

I suddenly realized that with all of our "current situations" the thing I needed most was to know that in all of what I have experienced in my life, that God has a plan for my life and that He is going to fulfill it. Then at one point, the Lord had me turn the music off. When I did, He began to drop something in my spirit that really changed my outlook of this day:

He spoke something to my heart and gave me a melody to it....it was so beautiful! But it wasn't until I sang it for the first time that it ministered to me. He said, "Be still and know I'm moving, Be still and know I'm here. Just rest for I am with you, and you do not have to fear.....Be still." That may not minister to others like it did to me, especially since you can't hear the melody, but God was showing me that what He has begun in me is not over, it's not ended, but He's wholly at work even though I can't see what He is doing. The let me know that even when i feel forsaken, that He is here. Not that He is here beside me, but He is IN ME, which makes all things possible!

There is no end to what God can do in a person that knows that Christ loves them and is always with them in everything that they do.

Friend, know that God has not forgotten you! Know that He is still working. Even when you can't see it on the outside, He's moving on the inside and doing things in the midst of your trial that is going to bring forth something SO BEAUTIFUL, and it's only something that He can do!

Oh, and to finish up the testimony: I checked the mail and got some unexpected money from someone for something I had designed them. Then when my husband came home, he told me that someone at his work had given him some money as well. THEN, on top of all of THAT, someone else told my husband today that they have some land they have been trying to sell for a while...but felt like the Lord wants them to give it to us!!! It's not like my husband and my trials have ended, nor were these we have had been the beginning. It's been a long road with lots of bumps and rabbit trails, but God DOES reward those that diligently seek Him, (like our teaching from yesterday said). So...keep your head up, God has BIG and GREAT things in store for all of us! He loves you...